April 1st, 2013

The Senate has initiated procedures to impeach President Obama.
There is evidence that he had contacted Roman Catholic Supreme Court
Justices, to use their influence to get him elected Pope. Apparently
Obama’s ambitions were not only to be the first black President but
the first black Pope.
When told, Popes must be Roman Catholic, Obama said “Just like
Presidents were supposed to be born in America.”
Obama saw the move to Pope as the best way to address climate change,
tax reform and raising taxes.  He said, with lips perched, he’d leave
fairness of wealth distribution, the national debt and world peace to
Hillary.  Clinton responded that she had no intentions to be Pope as
she discourages Bill from attending Berlusconi’s  bunga bunga parties.
Obama’s experience qualified him because he is
  head of a dysfunctional hierarchy,
  a speaker to audiences who nod off,
  living a lavish lifestyle while failing to help to the downtrodden.
Pundits view Obama’s move to Pope as the Democrat strategy to cement
the Latino vote.
His election team pulled out a miracle in 2012 and he believes they
could elect him to anything.
Chief of Staff Denis McDonough  said “Electoral College, College of
Cardinals – it’s old school, we can count.”
Italians attribute Obama’s bid for Pope, on the American fetish for
hats.  Unnamed sources mention that Obama replaced Emanuel with
McDonough, a Catholic, because Emnaual could only offer a kippah
whereas McDonough’s connections could offer a massive crown.
Bookies were taking bets whether Obama would install a basketball
court or a driving range in St Peter’s Square.
In a bipartisan move, the White House flew Clint Eastwood to Rome to
perform the “empty chair” pitch but he lacked the credentials to be a
delegate.
In another attempt to reach out to Republicans, Obama invited Dick
Cheney to Camp David to learn how to swing around and shoot a hunting
companion.  Obama will be wearing a bullet proof vest.  He plans to
invite Republican Congressmen on hunting trips in May.  Many
Republicans have already declined after Homeland Security conceded
that the hunting grounds were under drone surveillance.
As his book sales decline, Obama has intensified negotiations with
Camel cigarettes to pose for commercials.  He has considered placing
his Nobel Peace Prize on eBay. The Obama’s are concerned about the
cost of University enrollment for their daughters.
There is growing concern among White House staff, on Obama’s
insistence to include Colorado and Washington State stopovers. The
Secret Service maintains a list of acceptable smoke shops when Obama
touches down.  Advance Secret Service agents now appear less
interested in checking out brothels and have taken deep breaths to
check out smoke shops.
Obama sought the names of the planners of extravagant parties, paid
for, on GSA expense accounts in 2010.  He wanted them to plan a
golfing vacation in Florida just before sequestration kicked in.
The bipartisan group, Dog Owners of America, is petitioning for a
constitutional amendment ensuring that Presidents be responsible dog
owners.  They reproach G. W. Bush for dropping his dog on its head.
They reproach the Obama’s for not making it a family commitment to
walk their dog.
Obama recently invited historians for a meeting to make sure they
portray him more like Lincoln than G. W. Bush.
He cites the Affordable Healthcare Act as Lincoln-esque.
There are counterpoints.
Keeping detainees at Guantanamo, just like G. W. Bush.
Weakening the Justice Department, just like G. W. Bush– no charges
against those responsible for the 2006 financial crisis and no
anti-trust charges against the too big to fail banks.
Nominating Austan Goolsbee was like G. W. Bush nominating Harriet
Miers to the Supreme Court.
Keeping Geithner was like G. W. Bush keeping Rumsfeld.
Obama is being prodded by T. Geithner to name him head of the World
Bank, just as G. W. Bush forced Paul Wolfowitz’s appointment. The IRS
has already warned Geithner to declare his income for tax purposes
when appointed. S. Bair, B. Born, E. Warren and C. Romer spearhead a
movement to stop Geithner’s appointment as he has a record for firing
women.
In response to the Tea Party, a Democratic Party faction has been
created called True Blue.  Their mandate is that America cannot fail
to provide for the necessities of life for young and old Americans.
The price of a loaf of bread and a gallon of milk has tripled since
Obama took Office.
There are 43 million Americans on foodstamps.
We are not better off than we were 5 years ago.
Tuition costs for university are too high and not worth it.
We want justice for the innocent homeowners whose homes were
foreclosed because of the unconscionable acts of the bankers of Wall
Street who were never prosecuted.
We want legislation that forces any car with a driver and one
passenger to have to pick up a hitchhiker.
They picket gated communities chanting “Mr. Obama, tear down this wall.”
They seek a return to the good old days when drivers left their car
key in the ignition and families left the doors to their homes,
unlocked.
No one in America should be so poor to have to steal.