Moveout.org signed up 184,264,272 Americans to petition to move Congress and the President to Guantanamo until the National Debt hits zero. The EPA warned of a drop of 3 degrees in temperature to the climate of the Northeast because of their departure. The Army Corps of Engineers will assess if the Rotunda of the Capitol will have to be reinforced in the absence support from the hot air of politicians. When told of the move to Guantanamo, John Boehner smiled and bought a portable tanning chaise and a surfboard. Officials later informed him, that he wouldn’t be surfboarding but that he would undergo water boarding. At Guantanamo, Obama’s voice can be heard booming – “I told you guys we should have closed down this place.”
President Obama has ended government funding to the Universities who upset his basketball picks. Obama pointed out that, in other countries, their leaders have those teams executed. Fearing that 2012 may be his last year, Obama hopes to win big on wagering his final year of basketball selections.
Included in Donald Trump’s campaign for President are apartment complexes to be built over the White House and Pentagon. Trump claims that the 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue address would draw a premium. He also plans to build two story atrium greenhouses on the Mall and in Central Park, to grow tomatoes, lettuce and cucumbers to feed the locals. He and Vice-Presidential running mate Michael Bloomberg, have “shovel ready” construction projects and will use a snow shovel in their campaign slogan “We’re ready to shovel Obama out.”
The GOP has shelved plans to impeach Obama. Results of focus group studies conclude that the public will blame the GOP for the decline of America because of Joe Biden screw-ups, if Obama’s impeachment succeeded.
The CIA has reported that Russian sleeper agents have infiltrated the senior ranks of the Treasury Department and American Banks. President Medvedev has denied Russian infiltration. He said “The policy of socialism for the too big to fail banks and capitalism for blue collar Americans was a made in America policy.” The CIA alleges that Russian planted policy makers arranged the bailout of AIG and Chrysler and made sure that Tarp funds did not help ordinary Americans whose homes were underwater. It is well known that former President Putin was obsessed with restoring Russia to a world power and schemed for the demise of the US. In a twenty year plan, he plotted for the rise of oil and food prices and lower standard of living for everyday Americans. Phase two involves rising crime rates and engaging Egyptian and Tunisian revolutionaries to use Facebook to start uprisings in the US, such as class revolts reminiscent of the Watts riots.
Russia’s motives are suspicious because Russia has threatened to veto a UN resolution declaring that US politicians are committing crimes against their citizens for failing to provide basic food basket security, failed fiscal responsibility, failed energy policies and failure to address the worthless securitized mortgages on bank books - which caused the 2008 economic crisis.
Scientists are studying the DNA of Congresswoman Gabrielle Griffords, Senator John McCain and Ronald Reagan to understand how they survived gunshots and torture. It is believed that there are competitive genes that help politicians survive the blood sport of politics. They wonder if the sense of personal invincibility trumps the notion of public service. Social scientists raise concern that an invincible class of politicians will crush the elderly, disadvantaged and downtrodden.
Other scientists are studying the popularity of dark skin color among politicians. It is believed dark skin hides whether Obama or Boehner blushed with embarrassment when Bill Gates and Warren Buffet offered to pay for the first year of transition costs if the healthcare bill reduced the cost of medical treatment by 20%. Gates observed that the cost of a visit to the doctor is at least 17% more in the US than anywhere else in the world. Duh. Neither Obama nor Boehner tried to directly reduce the cost of medical treatment. Pundits can’t figure out if these men sense shame for failing to properly define the healthcare problem or rely on skin color to hide the public embarrassment of being caught out.
